I have had some people border on teasing me about my love of ancestors. This hint of disdain (that I am so reflective on those who are my collective genetic and familial past) ringing in their voices, dismissing me as almost backward.
I have always taken this very hard. These hurtful and dismissive turns of phrase often came from people that I held in some esteem, people that I valued not only for their intellect but, by default, their opinions.
And then the people who seemed to understand this deep set notion of heritage and inheritance were usually Mormon or generational Catholics. And for some reason, I did not feel any pleasure at having that part of my psyche recognized and accepted by them. It was as if the progressive influences held more sway in how I felt about my ancestors than did these communities that deeply value theirs... when I considered the caveats of my having to be a specific religion to be saved, it makes sense that they were easier for me to dismiss... though sad that I had to abandon my interaction with any culture that loves ancestors as much as I do... because we did not fit a mold we had for each other. I wonder if my theological roots are in this place... standing between these two worlds... one who has the God ancestor and ancestral line versus the one who has the future oriented line? Curious.
But I am struck, today, by my failure to dismiss the ones who dismissed me.
Does it speak to how I valued intellect, even in the failure to fully and completely, understand that being in the present moment is a cumulative moment that includes all that went on before and all this will come in the future...
Yes, being present... something of a mantra of mine. I see it as a recognition of our own time and place but in the holistic context that includes that we are the product of what came before and are the seed to that which will be in the future...
Goodness me, that is a pretty intense thought. It is absent yet so completely full of everything.
I am so very lucky that I have my ancestral stories, embellished or redacted as they may be. I have my place though them, I have my code of honor through them, I have the gift of time, endless multi directional time, through them.
My mother and her rule of 10,000 years... it is so completely circular... I am the result of provident choices and I am tasked to continue with them. To have my eyes forward and my glance behind.
So, I wonder if I should pity those who fail to have ancestors and understand their place as a progenitor?
Probably not... unless of course they are in my own line.
I would imagine them to be bitter and angry people... to have such a wonky sense of place in our world that they want to hurt and damage those around them and especially those who have a sense of place... who become the false prophets of their own existence. Yes, I can see that this may be the case...
and so, I return to this line I heard ( so profound that I've written 5 pages worth of rambling about lent and rituals) but that is really about those who disdain the role of place through ancestry...
Send love and move on... it is, after all, what I imagine what my ancestors would have done.
