Sunday, February 27, 2005

This is Josef at 2 weeks with the same pacifier as in the hoodie picture... my look how he has grown! Posted by Hello

Don't you like my hoodie? Posted by Hello

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Take a deep breath

We went to the hematologist today.

We don't have an answer yet; we need to repeat the blood tests in two weeks.

The good news is that it looks like these are not dire issues that require immediate attention and that all the possibilities are most likely not of great concern in the long term.

There are two things we are looking at now... That strange breast milk jaundice and the possibility that Josef is transitioning out of fetal blood supply into mature blood supply and we just caught him at a cross hairs.

The plan is to test again and see if the levels we would expect to go up actually go up (hematocrit and hemoglobin) and those we would expect to go down actually go down (bilirubin and reticulocytes).

We had a fabulous experience and had a great doctor that took the time to answer questions and show me references and standard values of expected lab results. My Pediatrician was wonderful too; she took the time to call us about 5 times over two days to make sure we were not too worried about our appointment for Squink.
(Nettie - remember that bedside manner is vitally important, especially when they try to teach it out of you in medical school!).

Now if we don't get any viable results from these tests, we go on to another test... but outcomes and possibilities look good.

Office visit basics:
21 3/4 inches long
15 inch head circumference
11 pounds and 12.4 ounces weight (5.345 Kg)

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Die zauberflute

I have a huge smile on my face right now.
Squink likes opera!
All is well with the world. Of course I have only played him German ones, one Austrian to be more exact... Mozart to be exactly specific, The Magic Flute to be precise.

Dot was crying up a storm... I figured I would put the cd on and see how he liked the queen of the night aria... and he fell asleep in seconds.

O zittre nicht, mein lieber Sohn!
Du bist unschuldig, weise, fromm;
Ein Jüngling so wie du vermag am besten,
Dies tiefbetrübte Mutterherz zu trösten.

I also forgot to mention amidst all the excitement that schatz and I had terrible food poisoning from one of our favorite restaurants this weekend. Squink was an angel baby for his sick mommy...

I heard from Malcom (his mommy actually), Josef's first roommate. He is doing fantastic. He might (think WILL) get off his O2 very soon and then just have an apnea monitor! How wonderful.

The lab results came back

Well, it seems like Josef’s red blood cells are breaking down faster than they should. We have an appointment with a hematologist/oncologist tomorrow morning. He still has mild jaundice still so we are still hoping it is the breast milk that is causing this. Which leads me to think that we don't know much about jaundice.
All results were borderline...
I don't know, it just seems like all this information leads to... what?
I have not an idea.
I figured out I do not mind most doctors whose specialty ends with "cian" as pediatrician or obstetrician... it is those "ists" that get me nervous, and especially when attached to the letters "onco".
Parenting is so hard. I knew it would be hard, I just had no idea how emotionally beat up one can get from things like this.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

His 8 week visit

Well, we had our visit with the pediatrician for his 8 week check up.
My husband is terribly concerned about the vaccinations and this was a source of contention between us. However, the fear of an immunized and possibly cranky baby did not even end up coming to light (more a little later in post).

The basics:
Josef weighs 11 pounds and 6 ounces (5.2 kilos)
Josef is 22 inches tall (0.56 meters)
His weight for actual age puts him in the 50th percentile and the height is in the 25th percentile on the growth chart. His weight for length is in the 50th percentile.

I do not remember what his head circumference was, but that too fell with in normal limits. I consider him way above the given percentiles since he really should only be about three weeks old right now.

OK, so... He did not end up getting his immunizations.
NOT because we disagree with the concept. I am very PRO immunizations... Chris however was more skeptical after a friend called and made the claims about autism and the MMR (Ironically, an eight week old doesn't get the MMR). Haphazard research into the link between autism and immunizations can do terrible things. But, I guess that is what happens in a country where these diseases are not seen on a regular basis.

Places to go for more information:

I will say that if I consider the body to be a process of nature then immunizations are not "normal", but as I was discussing with my mother the other day... Neither is our global population rate that, with the help of modern medicine (which BTW includes immunizations) has reached such high numbers. Nothing about our preservative full life in Westernized nations is normal anymore. Without modern medicine Josef would not even have been here, he would have died because we could not have helped him transition through the transient tachypnea of the newborn (TTN)

So, I will now step off the soapbox and tell you why he did not get his shots. It seems that Josef still has jaundice, albeit "mild jaundice". So they drew a bunch of blood and we shall see what is up with his liver and red blood cells and keep our fingers crossed that it is just because of his being breast fed (even though it may mean he has to go on formula for a couple of days [which I really can't understand, other than to maybe make sure that it is caused by breast milk ]).

cute feet. Posted by Hello


Lost the post (and Nettie's comment that sh eliked the green outfit) when I tried to combine them...

Hi Nana! Posted by Hello

Hallo Oma und Opa! Posted by Hello

Josef smiling Posted by Hello

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Pulling mussels from a shell...

...and eating them while one is breastfeeding should be strongly discouraged.

Of course, I did not think of this while I was in the act of pulling mussels from a shell and eating them. I did not even think about it that whole night as I bounced my baby boy, sang to my baby boy, read to my baby boy, cried with my baby boy...

However, I did think of it as I had to dump 10 ounces of precious milk down the drain because it was pumped an hour or so after I committed this horrible transgression.

Innocent act that causes serious guilt #2 is now officially behind me.

2 month vaccinations are my next hurdle.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Oh my...

My cousin gave me some advice a few weeks ago... she told me that they (babies) are only babies for a very short time. she also said that it is OK to have things waiting to get done, like a pile of laundry, and to spend my time enjoying the Squink rather than stressing the "small stuff".

I took her advice, but realized today that I have about ten piles of laundry I need to do, at least two being baby stuff. Is ten piles of laundry waiting to get done "small stuff"?

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


My favorite female curmudgeon asked how Josef did, and how I did…

Well, Josef did very well. Which was somewhat traumatic for me. I arrived and he was asleep in a swing. There was no evidence of puffy eyes, he looked like he had happy eating and smiled at me when I woke him up to put him in his car seat. I was secretly hoping that he would be hysterical, and crying and immediately settle down when I put him in my arms. But, he seemed happy and calm. Which, fantasy aside, is preferable.

How did I do? Hmmm. Well, I cried a lot yesterday as I mention in my post, I even cried on the way to pick him up and driving him home. I missed holding him in my arms, letting him breast feed, I missed napping with him curled up against me, I missed his smell, and I even missed changing his nappies.


I also have to say that it was so nice to have people around me, to hear voices, to have something going on around me that did not involve me (other than the jackdaws that hung around me while on bed rest). I really truly enjoyed feeling like I was a part of life outside of my family cocoon. I am still getting used to moving, and walking and carrying and interacting. I get overwhelmed when I hear too many things going on around me still, I can only walk for short periods of time, I have trouble staying on track of a task for extended periods of time, I have trouble multi-tasking (something I used to be very good at). My job is the perfect environment (or one that is as perfect as possible) for my rehabilitation into the world I live in.

However, given a set of circumstances that don’t involve a husband in a career change, insurance needs (you can’t begin to imagine the cost of this pregnancy and his stay in NICU), 5 months of bed rest with profound feelings of isolation, and some other things along this vein… I would be a happy stay at home or self-employed mom. It is such a mixed bag; this post doesn’t even begin to explain how torn I am between these two parts of my life being a mom. I am not glad that I have to do this, but I am ok with it for the most part… and if some things change I would be thrilled to stay at home.

hands Posted by Hello

Monday, February 07, 2005

First Day at work

I can't believe how unbelievably hard it is to leave your child with someone for the first time.

I cried last night, I cried this morning as I was getting the car loaded, I cried on the drive there, on the drive to work, a few times throughout the day so far... I am sure I will cry some more.

I am thinking about all the possible complications... did I take enough milk? (I left 5 bottles of about 4 oz. each, and 4 packages of frozen for emergencies), will he still fit into the newborn diapers, did I need to take wipes, will he miss me, will he get sick from the exposure to other kids, will he be OK tonight, and all sort of other will he's, what if he's, and such...


I took a picture of him and his "lunchbox" this morning... I will add that here when I get home this evening (after I have cried some more I am sure)...

first day of day care... Posted by Hello

tired after the first day of day care (sideways) Posted by Hello

my cutie Posted by Hello

I love this Squinkley Posted by Hello

Thursday, February 03, 2005

New pictures

All of the grandparents live far away, some even very far away... So, I have been asked to post pictures with some frequency for their perusal. I do so with obvious pleasure.
Baby is over 9 Lbs. or is about 4.2Kg now... He is growing so fast!

I love this outfit! Posted by Hello

How can I not love this face? Posted by Hello

I love my two boys... Posted by Hello