There is also this:
Of all things, this is called "THE BOWEL PREP" and it merits all caps because it's all about prepping my bowels.
And that's just BOWEL PREPPING... For surgery… that is NOT on my bowels.
To make matters ever so slightly more dramatic, I decided to delay my last ingestion of solid food for a while because my breakfast was a bit on the pitiful side when one considers that I won't get to eat until fucking Tuesday (pardon my French, but it just seems cruel to wait that long when gluttony is my favorite sin). THEN (all caps for continued dramatic effect) I chose McDonalds (of all things wrong and awful on this planet) because I didn't want to delay it too much (as I was violating a strict interpretation of my pre-op orders already) and I was in a small town but needed to head home and there was no way in hell I was taking magnesium citrate at the start of a 90 minute road trip because the thought of forced roadside stops with or without the benefit of a toilet (and more importantly soft toilet paper) seemed like torture.
So, I waited until I was within a 20 minute drive home and drank my cherry flavored liquid (from hell).
That being said, the version of "BOWEL PREP" that I get to do for this operation is so much nicer than what I got to do for my colonoscopy.
Now please excuse me, I need to powder my nose.