Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Six months

My dear, sweet, little boy,

You are six actual months today.

talking away

It feels like a milestone, a big one. See, there were many possibilities for your birthday. Your first birthday could have been August 28th, but you probably would not have survived that, seeing as I was only 17 weeks pregnant and that is very early to be born. Your next possible birthday could have been December 15th, that was when my water broke. It was not too early for you to survive the ordeal, but your lungs did not seem to be ready based on the testing you and I went through. So our doctor and I decided to hold out for one more week… which gives us your birth date… but, my dear sweet one, that was still really early... because it is not the only possibility that we had left, when you and I began our journey together... as your cells divided to make you… your due date was January 29th, give or take a few days.


So why do I mention all these dates, it is because they are all part of the experience. I can say you might have been 10 months old, or I might have said you will be six months next week, or I can even say you should only be four though almost five months old… and none of these would be a lie… I am so excited by how well you are doing for all the things we went through. I have to also thank you for not coming last August… that would have broken my heart, profoundly.

lady killer minus the gold necklaces

This morning you woke up bright and early, you just bounced your legs as I tried to sleep near you… you did not cry, you just bounced your legs a lot. You are in such a good mood when you wake up, it helps keep me in a good mood.

smile for papa

You want solids more regularly now, I think I may have to give you something else to try soon, I am not sure what to pick, but we will go to the store and try something new this weekend maybe.

One of the things that is so wonderful about you my dear, is that you love people. Apparently some babies don’t take to other people very well, but you just smile or laugh at everyone, you don’t mind being held by someone else, unless you are hungry of course. But you laugh so much, I am convinced that you have a private joke with the world, and I can’t wait to find out what it is.

With Karola

I also want to say something to you… I am a bit eccentric. I have little fear in doing anything that strikes my mood. As such, you and I have had a few adventures. We have jumped in fountains, we have worn funny hats, we have played on the grass, we dashed through sprinklers, we have just had fun. I hope that you continue to enjoy these things with me, I learned a long time ago that regrets are not worth the shyness that can cause them. I hate missed opportunities from choices based on shyness. Take life by its horns and enjoy it. I find that people usually forgive someone that does these things with a smile and a laugh (and I am guessing they are secretly jealous that they did not do it themselves). Take chances, trust your instinct.

Squink with hat

In six months you will be my favorite 1 year old that was almost 14 and 10 months… I have a few birthday options for you so you won’t have to suffer from the too close to Christmas birthday dilemma. We have options, and options are good.

You have brought light and joy to my home, you make our day when you belly laugh at us. You are so rarely bad when I take you out with me (which I always do) that people think I have a miracle baby, which you are.

idea from Hieronymus Bosch

Another thing, if you feel like I am pushing you to other people, it is because I am… see, I have seen too many times when babies are not allowed to be loved by other people, just because the parents have issues… I want as many people to feel like you are important to them, so that in case something ever happens to me and your papa, there will be plenty of love out there for you. So this leads me to another lesson of life I want to teach you. Life is too short to be tormented for other peoples stupidity. We all do stupid things, yes, even your glorious and divine mother makes other folks upset, but the key is that when people upset your mom, she has learned to let it go. That has served her well; you may want to consider that outlook on life. Life is just simply too hard with out adding more misery, just enjoy it, and forgive others as you want to be forgiven, even if the others make you so mad you could spit in their faces, because, really, in the long run, we are all just people, and life is too hard to carry grudges and anger around. Be a happy person.

While I want you to never lose faith in people, I also want you to remain skeptical about people… see, sadly, there are people out there that have no problem causing you pain or problems. Be careful of them, they can and probably will hurt you. Trust your instinct here. However, this is not license to be mean to them.

Ok, I am not done yet… learn to laugh at yourself! Laugh when you think you have done something stupid, because it makes it easier to deal with. Laugh at yourself when you are funny too, because it makes it funnier. Laughter is very important… keep laughing.

Where is my chupo?

Still not done… Make sure you look at your behavior very carefully. Be careful when judging others, see I notice people doing this all the time… and it is too easy to do. Judgment is not the best practice in your mothers’ philosophy of life, it alienates people and makes you seem superior, when frankly no one is superior to any other!

Strive for perfection in all you do, but don’t over do it. Try your hardest that is all that perfection is… for perfection is often only an illusion. Try hard to do your best, and don’t lie to yourself and say that you have, when you know in your heart that you haven’t (this will be tempting), just try.


And lastly, know that I love you. I waited my entire life for you to come and teach me the things you are going to teach me and have already taught me. I know that those lessons will incorporate joy, happiness, laughter, but I also know that there may be tears, anger and sorrow… regardless, I still love you! Never, ever, ever, ever forget it.

Happy baby

Thanks Chris!


Catherine said...

That was beautiful. Happy 6 months to Mommy and Babe!

Nettie said...

Ohh, that was such a bveautiful retrospective, it brought tears to my eyes. Happy half-birthday to you, dearest Josef!

Jordana said...

Lovely. Happy half-a-year, Josef!

Rachel Ann said...

What a lovely, sweet story Blair! Kol HaKovod (all honor...well done) to you for all the loving you have given to your child before and after his birth.
She's a lucky little boy. (and oh, how cute he looks in that hat!)

Julie said...

Beautifully said. it brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful, and obviously happy little boy!!!