You turned five your last birthday. You have become a little boy, and are so grown up with a generous spirit and a very kind heart. I don't know where you got it from, but I am blessed to have you there to remind me to be a nicer person.
Five years ago, in the week before you were born... I was laid up in a hospital infuriating some doctors with my stubborn refusal to be induced earlier than I was ready for. However, the news at that time has in a way haunted me... I was in a luxurious first world hospital taken care of by the most amazing set of nurses and doctors (yes, even the one who I upset so much he never came back to visit me) while clear across the world were earthquakes causing horrendous devastation. I remember on the morning of your birth, before I knew when I would be taken to the delivery room... I was reading about them, unaware that the worst was yet to come.
Of course, I had the news on my lap top which was my third most constant companion following very closely behind your father and your Nana. As I read about the damage that they were anticipating I suddenly realized that mothers were going to lose their babies and that babies were going to lose their mommies... and of all the crazy moments I had with you during my pregnancy with you, this one was the single dark moment that has haunted me these past five years. I stopped reading that news... I could not continue.
So today, I happened upon a pictorial essay about that event five years ago... and I started crying when I realized how:
- Right I had been about those mommies and babies losing each other
- I had failed to follow up on this story because it had upset me so
- How lucky I still am that you are alive, and well, and an incredible little boy.
Here is a link to those pictures I saw today, I don't know if it will be around when you are old enough to find this space and read about the most randomest of things to pass since just before you were born. But I am sure you can look up the Indonesian Tsunami and particularly Baby 81... realize that there were many, many more... and that there were mommies who lost their babies too. Honey, we are so blessed!
Someday, I would like to take you there so we can see what remains of that fateful time when you were born.
I love you Squink!
Mama
2 comments:
You know, I am certain that many of us know one of the beautiful people who constantly show Squink "a generous spirit and a very kind heart".
Happy Mother's Day.
I was in awe when I was reading your post today.
Five years ago I was worried, very worried, - not about a Earthquake or a Tsunami far away.
About five years ago I was worried about loosing my wife and baby.
The fear I had and emotions I was going through did not allow to ponder the events of a major disaster in another part of the world nor was I worried about its consequences and the misery it brought for the people in that area.
Looking back, inflicting pain on purpose to the feet of our new born in order for him to keep breathing and counting the seconds for the nurse to return to his pod in the ICU is something I'll never forget. The constant worry about you and the boy consumed me so much that there was no room to worry about anything else.
Reading your letter to Squink took me back to a time of great joy and big worries, however in a different way.
Now, that our boy is five years old, healthy and that the worries about his premature birth are behind us allowed me to revisit other events of that time which seemed so insignificant back then.
Thank you B for reminding me again how blessed we are.
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