I am a tomboy.
At least that is what I tell people. This is what I tell myself.
But, I will admit here that it is absolutely not the whole story. I am a tomboy because I am intimidated by rituals of beauty among my peers.
I get to volunteer and work with some amazingly beautiful women. Women who I watch carry being woman so well. It is pretty amazing to see this kind of thing from the side. To watch these women whose beauty I see as being manifested from both inside and out, who are masters of the space they take up on this planet and can do it with a feminine smart as well as a feminine grace.
I suppose my greatest vice is not gluttony as I often claim, but it is more of sloth. I am too lazy to take the time to invest in the feminine. I hate to blow dry my hair, I would rather sleep 10 extra minutes than apply make up. Don't even ask me about how to dress, because it usually depends on what I managed to wash and is more often than not something my mother talked me into buying.
I don't really know what to do about this. I have tried small steps like trying to commit to a minimum of wearing mascara... which started out fine, but became a game that I managed to not stick to.
Today, I was afforded the opportunity to sit in on a presentation by a local hair salon. I would be lying if I said it wasn't meaningful. It was amazing, what a special opportunity it was to listen to a well respected local hairdresser talk about the choices they make, how they make them and what they look at to make them. I was floored by what he taught us in the audience. A good hairdresser looks at so much and I could tell that they were the real deal and their price tag reflects that.
As a part of the evening we were allowed a free consultation and so I chose one of the owners... mainly because she was European and since she wasn't from here I felt some sort of kinship with her. Everything she told fit in with what my take on the presentation said and what I think she did the best was hold me accountable to my own choices. Kudos to her. It is hard to be told some of the things she said, though they were all the truth and I know it.
So, I have to find a way that I can take a bit more time on how I put myself out there for the world, I have hidden behind whatever it is that I am hiding behind and it is time to stop.
There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness in the proportion.
~Edgar Allan Poe