Monday, January 31, 2005

Parenting styles

Goodness, does everything have to have a name?

I, naively it seems, just thought you took the baby home and learned about what things like diaper rash looked like and then what to do if it happens (not yet, thank goodness)... things like that...

But, in my quest to learn how to get him to sleep better at night, I came across all these things that parents do.... Learned that they have names for them, people can think they are good or bad and pediatricians can be supportive, or not, of them... This is all about something called parenting styles...

I came across terms like Ferberized, attachment parenting, and a whole slew of acronyms that I had to stop trying to figure out... Goodness it all just sounded so intimidating, and worse, that there is one right way to be a parent (at least according to someone out there).

So, I was talking to a friend about this and we both pretty much agreed that our style was based on instinct... That we were open to ideas and suggestions, but that we were not dogmatic about how we wanted to raise our kids. Of course, I still have my hormones raging (Maybe some mom's out there will understand when I say I can feel them rage)... So I went into this bout of self doubt... Maybe I have to do this in order to be a good parent...

Then...

Reality sunk in...

I am a good mom, I may not do things the way other people do them or how they think I should do them, but I base my choices on what I think would be in the best interest of my dear little squinkley by looking at and considering the short and long term consequences.

An example of my parenting style...=D Posted by Hello

7 comments:

Jordana said...

:) Great post. Lack of sleep will drive one to do lots of strange things and to doubt one's abilities. Every kid is different, but they all do start sleeping eventually. Some just do it sooner than others. I wish I had some good suggestions to offer, but other than the book I recommended earlier, I don't. George wasn't a great sleeper and we fought and fought to get him to sleep in his own bed at least part of the night. He didn't sleep through the entire night until about 20 months. I swore I wasn't going to do that again, so I started just co-sleeping with Pippa. Pretty soon, she didn't sleep well in our bed and was sleeping through the night in her own bed at 3 or 4 months. Beatrix started out sleeping pretty soundly, but only if snuggled tightly against you. I was beginning to think she'd never sleep independently. Then a few weeks ago, George was up all night throwing up and I put Beatrix in the bassinet to get her away from Mr. Vomit. She slept there until 5 in the morning. Since then, she's suddenly been happily spending most of each night in her bassinet.

Which is to say, I have no idea how to get anyone to sleep through the night either in your bed or on their own, but I do know that it will happen and sometimes happens the soonest and most easily when you are working at it the least.

Karen said...

Blair,
First of all, thank you for the link to my blog. I discovered the link through Technorati.

Second, as a mom of a 19 year old and a 4 year old, I wholeheartedly support your instinct to parent by instinct!

Thirdly, I would recommend to any new mom to find another one with a child the same age to commiserate with. Also, to find a mom with older children who parents like you want to, to learn from. These two women will keep you sane and hopeful and will be worth their weights in gold--far more valuable than any book!

Best wishes and good luck to you and your new family!
Karen

baileysMilk said...

who said being a mum was easy??!

Nettie said...

I think you have the right idea- whatever works and feels right to you, go for it!

Anonymous said...

been reading your blog. What cute pictures. I figured out that swaddling was the only parental strategy that worked, and I had to figure that out on my own. I figured that you had been in a tight space before birth, so it might be good to continue providing a snuggly place to be

Chris said...

First, what a CUTE baby :-)

Second, I have had many children and I have found that what works for one doesn't always work for another one. My experience has been similar to that of Jordana. I co-sleep with my baby until they will sleep somewhere else better, but when that point comes has varied.

Eventually they all sleep, even though there are some nights when you can't believe it will ever happen. :-)

Shelli in Jersey said...

Blair, remember me?? It is a voice from your past, Shelli, I am still in shock that you have a baby, a mighty fine one I may add! He is beautiful! I would love to hear from you, I have been in touch with Anne quite a bit lately and have loved every minute of it, how is your Mom?