Tuesday, August 30, 2005

What a difference a year can make

One year ago I was put on bedrest.

Following that pronouncement were 17 of the hardest weeks of my life up to that point. The eleven days following the "release" from bed rest were even harder... Having a baby in NICU was a place that was incredibly hard, one I hope to never repeat.

I know it all could have been far worse... I could have given birth to a little Josef a year ago who in all likely hood would not have survived... among many other possibilities.
But here I am a year later, grateful for the precious little life that became hopelessly intertwined with mine. Who can keep me up all night or who will sleep like a rock. Who can make my day just by smiling...
My feet still hurt, my hip still hurts, my body is forever changed... but the Squink is so worth it!

But, a year later... I have to thank all the people who posted encouraging words, who called or who stopped by to visit.

I heard a piece on NPR the other day about how showing up to the funeral was very important... Frankly, the same holds true for the hospital... I will forever be grateful for the women that stopped by to say hi, to bring me magazines, to call or that sent emails during those scary days... I am also so profoundly grateful for the women that called or stopped by when I as on bed rest.

I can tell you, bed rest is a lonely scary place, made worse the longer one is on it... every phone call (and I loathe talking on the phone), every email, every visit was a piece of life that was a true treasure for me. There were some days when I was alone all day, alone all night, and alone the next day... my only "human contact" being my phone call to the monitoring nurse... Towards the end, there were days of desperation. In hindsight, it is amazing I came out OK. I don't think I became clinically depressed, but I was pretty darn close. Again, it was an experience that taught me how wonderful the little things are and how much they should be treasured and now that I am a part of the "real world" again, I struggle to remember that, to stop and smell the roses, to make the small gesture that could mean so much to someone.

So, I want to say thank you to the following folks that would make my day just by making a comment in my blog during bedrest and the harrowing first month:
Rachel Ann
Ayoka (aka Malcom's mommy)
And all the anonymous comments too

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Forgive me if I fail to make an appropriate link. I will fix it soon, I promise.

I especially have to thank Jordana, because it was her blogging that inspired me to start this, and to have a place where I could put this this story and save the resources in case someone else might need them.


Jordana said...

You came through it all and what a beautiful boy you have. I'm so glad. :)

Nettie said...

What a momentous anniversary this is, congratulations for everything!

baileysMilk said...

you're welcome! :)

you were there for me through my Ups & Downs too! thank you

lets hope there'll be more Ups for all of us!!

your love for Squink is just so touching...

Anonymous said...

You have done a tremendous service for the many women who will have to do as you have done, and you give their families and loved ones insight into how they can help the brave mother in their life cope.

Kudos to you, and mazel tov on your wonderful son..

Rachel Ann said...

That last comment which says annoymous was me, I don't know what happened but it went weird. The "choose an identity" went missing.